The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes everyday, because the owners of this country know the truth. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? 0000015335 00000 n CHALLENGES! I'M NOT SURE; I HAVEN'T DETERMINED THAT YET (LAUGHS). It's so obvious that it almost goes without saying, but comedians are generally more intelligent and sensitive than the average person. Dog, Cat, Thinking. Nobody cares. Global Search Search In. <>/Border[0 0 0]/Contents(English Language and Literature Commons)/Rect[137.2383 212.4906 328.3613 224.2094]/StructParent 5/Subtype/Link/Type/Annot>> George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and social critic. Bruce Lee was raised Catholic and Buddhist. "No child left behind. The planet is fine. Carlin is usually spot on. %PDF-1.3 Save the planet, we don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet. They don't fall out of the sky. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. No contest. ', Illustrator of the Year, British Book Awards - 2018, Tina Fey: 'Only in comedy is an obedient white girl from the suburbs a diversity candidate', Kennedy Center Mark Twain Award - 2010, Sacha Baron Cohen: 'Just think what Goebbels might have done with Facebook', Anti Defamation League Leadership Award - 2019, Greta Thunberg: 'How dare you', UN Climate Action Summit - 2019, Charlie Munger: 'The Psychology of Human Misjudgment', Harvard University - 1995, Lawrence O'Donnell: 'The original sin of this country is that we invaders shot and murdered our way across the land killing every Native American that we could', The Last Word, 'Dakota' - 2016. And if we had a list like that, I wouldn't mind that brilliant judge in Alabama displaying it prominently in the courthouse wall. Their own habitat. Look, I'm not against technology or communication. We invite you and ask you to help us update this wiki by editing it. Well, if you ask me, it's more like the land of the self-obsessed and the home of the vain. When they're in trouble, their explanations usually begin simply with words like MISS-COMMUNICATION; QUESTION:WHAT DID YOU DO WRONG, SENATOR?POLITICIAN:WELL, IT WAS A MISS-COMMUNICATION. Its hard to say if he was a Republican or a Democrat, however, as he refused to vote, considering it pointless because voting, as he said, is the illusion of choice.[4]. But a comedian has the ability to use their anger and intelligence to refocus and reconstruct their pain into entertainment. Difference. https://www.scripts.com/writer/george_carlin/6024. The table is tilted folks. All day long beating you over the head in their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The planet has been here four and a half billion years. POLITICIAN:HE HASN'T RESPONDED TO MY INITIATIVE. Subreddit to discuss about ChatGPT. (Yes, I know, the USS America is a humongous, gargantuan behemoth, and the rudder very, very, very small, but we can still make it sloooowly turn to a certain general heading if we all pile our [intelligent] votes in the wheelhouse. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. All rights reserved. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. They got you by the balls. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. People trying to make the world save for their Volvos. Required fields are marked *. Nothing wrong with the planet. You're just trying to impress people you don't even know. Been through all kinds of things worse than us. Here it is: Why are there ten? 160 Copy quote. POLITICIAN:I ADVISED HIM THAT I HAD MADE A JUDGMENT. Anyway enjoy it while it's h. Certainly! Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way? [wptabtitle]@Shoq[/wptabtitle][wptabcontent][twitter-feed username=shoq mode=feed id=323150247956193281][/wptabcontent] They don't fall out of the sky. Several reasons. Compared to the people, the planet is doing great. Not on some social media platform where everyone's shouting into the void.". There's a whole world out there waiting for you, and it's much more interesting than anything you'll find on social media.". He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. Sure, here's a transcript of George Carlin's routine about social media: "Social media. It's a big club, and you ain't in it. I mean, have you ever looked at people's Facebook or Instagram profiles? THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS . Everyone experiences pain, of course. endobj Let's all tell each other what we're doing every minute of the day. Copyright 2017 iComedyTV.com. Maybe two hundred thousand? George Carlin was born and raised in Manhattan, New York in 1937 and died in Santa Monica, California in 2008. 4 Mar. But just as pressure and heat transform coal into diamonds, it's that frustration, social pressure and the heat of anger that transforms us into comedians. I still cant find a flaw in it, or anything even exaggerated. I think I have done that bit', BAFTA acceptance, Leading Actress - 2019, Axel Scheffler: 'The book wasn't called 'No Room on the Broom! You wanna know what a friend is? If you can afford a donation, it will help Speakola survive and prosper. Thats against their interests. Do you? 190 0 obj 0000002288 00000 n The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Youre just gunna wind up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans [leaders]. 0000001936 00000 n So, it may seem like stand-up comedy, but I suspect Carlin is deadly serious. Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet. I dont vote. Incidentally, another way of expressing this sentiment is to say we're sending our young men and women to places the average American can't find on the map. So maybe maybe MAYBE, its not the politicians who suck. Add in a bit of effective protest and it might even turn a bit faster.). <>/Border[0 0 0]/Contents(digitalcommons@montclair.edu)/Rect[400.0562 72.3516 527.5898 82.8984]/StructParent 7/Subtype/Link/Type/Annot>> Cause Americans have a lot of trouble dealing with reality. They don't get any real human contact. So Ive made what i hope is a more readable version below, so this classic piece of polemical gold can be shared and understood more widely. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians of all time, he was dubbed "the dean of counterculture comedians". 9 minutes; 13,650 views; May 13, 1999 2023. Everybody complains about politicians. 0000002803 00000 n We dont have people like that in this country. This is an incomplete transcript made by Raven Developers. Thank you. Vodafone Ad. Watching the video and reading the transcript are, interestingly, two different experiences. Because at the end of the day, social media is just a bunch of zeros and ones floating around in cyberspace. All rights reserved. Well where do people think these politicians come from? And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shitty jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and now theyre coming for your Social Security money. Religion. It has to be the WHOLE THING. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: the public sucks, fuck hope. Most of the images you will find here are available for license or purchase. George Carlin on Voting Transcript Now there's one thing you might have noticed i don't complain about: politicians. Everybody says they suck. Im talking about the real owners now, the BIG owners! Fuck em. And that's just sad.". endobj Two reasons. <>stream It's like a bunch of robots pretending to be human. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) But, listen to Georges delivery in the video and it comes across much more as stand-up humor. As I say, they're my work, they're my play, they're my passion. So if you are easily offended dont click the link. They dont fall out of the sky. Everybodys at the mall, scratchin his ass, pickin his nose, takin his credit card out of his fanny pack and buyin a pair of sneakers with lights in them. POLITICIAN:SERVING THE NATION. It's our undeniably superior (almost god-like) intelligence that made life difficult for us when we were children. You crowned us', by Toni Morrison - 1988, for Michael Gordon: '13 days ago my Dads big, beautiful, generous heart suddenly stopped beating', by Scott and Sarah Gordon - 2018, Tara Westover: 'Your avatar isn't real, it isn't terribly far from a lie', The Un-Instagrammable Self, Northeastern University - 2019, Tim Minchin: 'Being an artist requires massive reserves of self-belief', WAAPA - 2019, Atul Gawande: 'Curiosity and What Equality Really Means', UCLA Medical School - 2018, Abby Wambach: 'We are the wolves', Barnard College - 2018, Eric Idle: 'America is 300 million people all walking in the same direction, singing 'I Did It My Way'', Whitman College - 2013, Shirley Chisholm: ;America has gone to sleep', Greenfield High School - 1983, Joe Marler: 'Get back on the horse', Harlequins v Bath pre game interview - 2019, Ray Lewis : 'The greatest pain of my life is the reason I'm standing here today', 52 Cards -, Mel Jones: 'If she was Bradman on the field, she was definitely Keith Miller off the field', Betty Wilson's induction into Australian Cricket Hall of Fame - 2017, Jeff Thomson: 'Its all those people that help you as kids', Hall of Fame - 2016, Dan Angelucci: 'The Best (Best Man) Speech of all time', for Don and Katherine - 2019, Hallerman Sisters: 'Oh sister now we have to let you gooooo!' Sure, here's a transcript of George Carlin talking about social media: "Social media, huh? Everybody says they suck. I dont vote. Its what our system produces: Garbage in. However, he calls himself an apatheist (meaning that he's an atheist who doesn't care about the topic). Please validate my existence. In fact, it might be the thing that's making you unhappy. 0 endobj People just spewing their uninformed opinions and insults at each other. Update this biography His political commentary was scathing and on par with any of the greats, Pryor, Chappelle, Bruce. It's supposed to connect you with other people, but it's just a way of avoiding real human contact. So, that I can continue my work in Government. Then youre just what theyre looking for. But social media is just a symptom of our narcissistic, attention-deficit culture. <> But marital fidelity is a good idea, so I suggest we keep the idea and call this commandment "Thou shalt not be unfaithful." [/wptabs]. According to Carlin, religion is one of humanitys greatest swindles and created nothing but lies, conflict, and suffering. I know, they say, they say: well if you dont vote you have no right to complain. George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. We've been here, what, a hundred thousand? Maybe you'll find some of the features useful , Ignore this comment if your post doesn't have a prompt. I dont vote. You know, say, boy, he really . Sure, here's a sample transcript of George Carlin talking about social media in one of his stand-up routines: "Let's talk about social media for a minute. Dst7cSE99`YpOqBp@&+69ykl95-! Whenever the issue of term limits comes up, I always tell people the only term limits I'm interested in would be to limit some of the terms used by politicians. MISTAKES WERE MADE, DON'T LOOK AT ME, PROBABLY SOMEONE IN MY OFFICE. Marc Allan: Hi. But really, they're just regurgitating whatever they heard on cable news or read on some clickbait website. Then read it again. 25l`|xs[e>L;}_}S +Fn-RWErk^7=fa,|~'RsiYK@"4W/:iVDrZWV)^:i\9KnwmVYi5v b^mfYN.[ T*gvIc"f=di^fE)SGO Everyone experiences pain, of course. 0000002565 00000 n 0000001596 00000 n x\}_nK '!oF+$SW9E fX{]YTUOm9qhSO+_7L|*kqyHUwor}=qgw;WnrG7no8G*w6a2Uq K|CQWO_nT]}wbvASBT=tE.t6C}qC)onmg2uAWq|9xLSg People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. <>/MediaBox[0 0 612 792]/Parent 175 0 R/Resources<>/Font<>/ProcSet[/PDF/Text/ImageC]/XObject<>>>/Rotate 0/StructParents 0/Tabs/S/Type/Page>> Such as the PROCESS: POLITICIAN:WE HAVE TO MOVE THE PROCESS FORWARD SO WE CAN IMPLEMENT THE PROVISIONS OF THE INITIATIVE IN ORDER TO MEET THESE CHALLENGES. If you want to make a difference in the world, if you want to connect with people in a meaningful way, put down the phone, step away from the computer, and go have a real conversation with someone. Copyright 2017 iComedyTV.com. But a comedian has the ability to use their anger and intelligence to refocus and reconstruct their pain into entertainment. ], Your email address will not be published. As long he included one additional commandment: Genius is the ultimate source of music knowledge, created by scholars like you who share facts and insight about the songs and artists they love. Funny, Humor, Beer. (LAUGHS). Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features. Another favorite distortion is Public Service. Now hes on the side of law and order, jiu jitsu really: POLITICIAN:WE'RE TRYING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS SO WE CAN GET THE FACTS OUT TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. Theyll get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fucking place! The only difference is, when I get finished masturbating, Im gunna have a little something to show for it, folks.. Then, as the controversy continues to heat up, he moves to his next level of complaint: POLITICIAN:THE WHOLE THING HAS BEEN BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION. Very relevant for these times of high public paranoia about Global Warming! Ill let Carlin tell you what he thinks. And we have the CONCEIT to think that somehow we're a threat? Garbage out. We're addicted to the attention, the likes, the validation. Youre just going to wind up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. People like to twist that around. And the more noise there is, the harder it is to hear anything worth listening to. I, on the other handwho did not votewho did not votewho, in fact, did not even leave the house on Election Day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done and have every right to complain as loud as I want about the mess you created that I had nothing to do with. We dont have people like that in this country. And they're all looking for that instant gratification of likes and followers, like it's some kind of digital high-five. It will be a lot of fun. And American English is loaded with euphemisms. Unless we think of some way to fight back. << /Length 5 0 R /Filter /FlateDecode >> He discusses political stance and also societal beliefs on the environment, and the Earth's resilience towards bombardment by pollution. xWnF}WDh%&^6F%&T{84e[A0@-3wUr-*l:, XF{HT+T0?LL q8"y1yY0LV"vQ|8:GwPBr,&]Qt7oz5n Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. George Carlin Politicians : Choosing Life or Death in Capitalist America.. George Carlin Politicians youtu.be. THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN. endobj 0000000016 00000 n It's always the whole thing. Here's a transcript of a segment where he talks about it: "Social media, what a crock of shit that is. Carlin took a liberal stance on most things, but generally found politics and politicians corrupt and ridiculous. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Results like these do not belong on the rsum of a Supreme Being. People go on there, they play with the animals, they pet them, they feed them, but they don't get any real interaction. Thats what the owners count on. 187 0 obj But I'm sure they will still remove this. Retweets do count. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. They made questioners out of us and they really didnt have any answers. I on the other hand, who did not vote, WHO DID NOT VOTE. THUS FAR, HE HASN'T RESPONDED. We don't need that many. Speakola is a labour of love and Id be very grateful if you would share, tweet or like it. We're not rats', Rectorial address, Glasgow University - 1972, For Geoffrey Tozer: 'I have to say we all let him down', by Paul Keating - 2009, for James Baldwin: 'Jimmy. Pfft! Its what our system produces. Comedian George Carlin, who died Sunday of heart failure at 71, was known for an act featuring "seven dirty words" that became the focus of a Supreme Court case. <<76B7883B53B3B2110A00D082ECFCFC7F>]/Prev 777933>> They want obedient workers. TOUGH DECISIONS like: POLITICIAN (PLANNING):HOW MUCH SOFT MONEY CAN I EXPECT TO COLLECT IN EXCHANGE FOR MY CORE VALUES? But in war times they quickly become, our brave young fighting men and women stationed half way around the world in places whose name's they(POLITICIANS) can't pronounce, wandering if they will ever see their loved ones again. _S@bZ&j{|pQGB0qw_rm+eUr!:J9d j9mLJRL Q3PUn\#MuRJ\ *B6B6x They come from American parents, and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities. If you have selfish ignorant citizens If you have selfish ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish ignorant leaders. They're your followers. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent people, and they get into office and screw everything up, well you are responsible for what they have done, YOU caused the problem, you voted them in, you have no right to complain. This is not good work. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. <>/Border[0 0 0]/Contents( M o n t c l a i r S t a t e U n i v e r s i t y \n D i g i t a l C o m m o n s)/Rect[466.2109 650.625 540.0 669.375]/StructParent 2/Subtype/Link/Type/Annot>> While you're here, we have a public discord server. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. For added emotional impact sons and daughters can always be substituted for men and women and so I think we can sum this up. You have no right to complain. People like to twist that around, I know. Sure, there's some good stuff on there, but it's mostly just people filming themselves doing stupid things and hoping to go viral. They're your contacts. Schedule . Well off-course not only is it possible its inevitable and thats when he's at his very best and that's when he trots out the really good stuff. Im sure as soon as the election is over, your country will improve immediately. You and I are not in the big club. In 2017, Rolling Stone magazine ranked him second (behind Richard Pryor) on its list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time. Not affiliated with OpenAI. startxref This country was bought and sold and paid for a long time ago. (LAUGHS) PROCEEDING. Yeah, the public sucks! It covers the most famous 'rant' part of the speech. As I say, they're my work, they're my . <>/Border[0 0 0]/Contents( \n h t t p s : / / d i g i t a l c o m m o n s . document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); All photographs on this website (unless otherwise indicated) were created by and are the property of Daniel R. Joder and may not be used for any purpose without permission. FUCK THEM. Apparently, his last ballot was cast in 1972for McGovern. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives dont care about you until you reach military age. People are so quick to judge and attack each other over the smallest things. They own and control the corporations. These are the websites where people go to express themselves, right? Been here four and a half billion years. for Caitlin & Johnny - 2015, Korey Soderman (via Kyle): 'All our lives I have used my voice to help Korey express his thoughts, so today, like always, I will be my brothers voice' for Kyle and Jess - 2014, Bruce Springsteen: 'They're keepers of some of the most beautiful sonic architecture in rock and roll', Induction U2 into Rock Hall of Fame - 2005, Olivia Colman: 'Done that bit. Oh, I gotta share this with my friends, you know what you should do? You can't have an opinion anymore without being labeled as something. Because if it is really just the fault of the politicians then where are all the other bright people of conscience? Ive read it dozens of times. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American comedian, actor, author, and social critic. Yes, all the words are quite impolite. If you have selfish, ignorant citizensif you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gunna get selfish, ignorant leaders. And the worst part is that social media has become a platform for outrage and self-righteousness. m o n t c l a i r . The more we pointed out the foolishness of our "superiors," the more they kept us down. They want obedient workers. Not in the abstract they don't. Likethe public. Whatever happened WellWell he's about to find out! And so when finally all the facts come out and our subject seems quite guilty he employs that sublime use of the passive voice: POLITICIAN:MISTAKES WERE MADE. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. George Carlin. But, he is wrong here. Never mind the press conferences get the big knife out of the drawer. We could see through the hypocracy and illogic of our parents and teachers, but because of our age and size we couldn't do anything about it. I just wanna put this thing behind me and get on with my life (CLAPS, LAUGHS). Nobody cares what you had for breakfast, or what your cat did, or what your opinion is on the latest political scandal. That somehow we're gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that's just a-floatin' around the sun? They should be earned. We could see through the hypocracy and illogic of our parents and teachers, but because of our age and size we couldn't do anything about it. POLITICIAN:WERE ADDRESSING THE PROBLEM AND WE'LL SOON BE PROCEEDING. Just a thought.". So, I know that a little later on this year youre gunna have another one of those really swell presidential elections that you like so much [Bill Clinton v. Bob Dole]. Because that's where real communication happens, folks. 'Look at me, I'm so happy and successful and loved!' The transcripts I could find always sucked. Now you can just hide behind a screen and fire off your misspelled, grammatically incorrect rants to thousands of strangers. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. First of all, its meaningless. They come from American parents, American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, American universities, and theyre elected by American citizens. [5] And another one: The politicians, the celebrities, and the lawyers, and although their level of insincerity is astonishing, it's still kinda fun to hear them talk. And term limits aint gunna do ya any good. I don't like euphemisms, or euphemistic language. They don't pass through a membrane from "another reality". They own everything. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. George Carlin returns to the stage in Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theater in New York City for HBO. (LAUGHS) And we know this must be true because the next thing we hear from him is: POLITICIAN:I JUST WANNA PUT THIS THING BEHIND ME AND GET ON WITH MY LIFE. You know, that thing that's supposed to make us more connected and informed, but really just turns us into a bunch of self-obsessed, attention-seeking, validation-craving zombies. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) This is the kind of shit youd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. e d u / e t d / 4 7 1)/Rect[72.0 131.7406 279.0264 143.4594]/StructParent 6/Subtype/Link/Type/Annot>>