If someone tells my son, I am a thief, or. He knows that travelling for work is non-negotiable, so hes willing to put in the work to make it easier for both of us. At least, not something like this, which is a very normal part of having a job. I gave the ring back soon after. Scheduled calls are a great idea. My spouse travels for work all the time. BTW- my husband didnt blink an eye when I told him I was going to Vegas for a whole week with a male co-worker. So I get the safety concern. Go on your trip! Of course, they can be bothbut then IMHO, that boils down to controlling anyway. Ive needed counseling in the past to deal with some trauma that led me down that path, so I wholeheartedly agree with Alison that you both face this problem head on. and I was gutted. While we were there, her then-husband called and texted her literally every ten minutes. They are readily available and heavily marketeda sudden whim or fancy could be a reality very quickly. It totally IS. Display any widget here. I cant speak for anyone but IMHO a little travel, twice a year or so is fine and take your spouse if you can but this several overnights monthly is not what I signed up for. Iam lost. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Thats what tips me toward the prospect that your husband is on the controlling end of the spectrum and not the real bad anxiety end of the spectrum. 5. I had a meeting at a school outside of the city and a friend was shocked that there are elementary schools there. Thank you for acknowledging that this is not normal and is something you can work on. We are often there and then take the metro across town to the apartment where we stay at midnight. His response is not reasonable except in AAMs answer. Agree counseling would be a good place to start. What Anonymous Poster is describing is a learned skill that a therapist can teach mot people. You might want to change, but also can't. If you need to go out and do things, go do those with your friends and family, or even initially-strangers via v. Hmm Shes probably going to cheat on me in Vegas because thats what people do in VegasWait I cant say that, of course shes going to deny ithmm, what else can I say to convince her to stay Kidnapping! The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. Ive now chosen to travel for my job to offset he loneliness. with his friends, not you. I only left the conference hotel a couple of times, always with a group, and we were in the touristy area right next to the Gaslamp district anyway. He can express an opinion at most. You can always spend less at a Days Inn or Holiday Inn or similar 3-star facility. It seems a loving husband would have found a way for his wife to attend her best friends wedding. Honestly, things could happen anywhere, so his questioning that the trip is in Vegas sounds like a cover. Meaning they side with the wife on this one. If he was just bummed to be at home alone while shes gone, or something. I wonder if the husband is insecure that the wife is the primary breadwinner and might be subconsciously trying to sab0toge her career. Also have casinos on boats. Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. Im going to disagree with your last sentence. Ah, sorry, didnt say they were the only two choices! Youre going to DIE!. I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. One of mine once told me that his mom felt that I was being very unfair to him and was devastated that she wouldnt get to plan our wedding. I didnt read him as being a chauvinist. When I hear wholesome I picture a stereotypical 50s scene with aprons and apple pie and gee golly instead of swearing. Thats worrying about what other people will do TO me. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. At this rate, Im going to be too afraid to leave the house until spring, and thats not acceptable. A little bit, mostly to servers who thought I might be lonely and often came over to chat while I was having dinner. I don't think it won't be that bad though. Either he socializes with very retrograde people, or hes snowing you when he tells you that hes enjoying full-throated unquestioning support of his attempt to stifle your career. Kj will notice if you dont come home one night.. If so, maybe its just a weird fixationbut if he often has nervous, fearful, or otherwise disproportionate reactions to things, it might be worth seeing if he can get some help with that. Well discuss, compromise, agree to disagree, but I do NOT need permission. Note to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau. No, but I feel like almost every thread, somebody chimes in with an armchair anxiety diagnosis. I dont understand giving up agency as an adult just because I got married. On work travel, it looks like meeting rooms and the booth in the exhibit hall. Ultimately I did choose my career over my marriage and now Im in the the middle of a divorce because of it. A spare hour or two could be spent at an adult themed entertainment show or casino, and that can honestly spiral. Flying might be easier. even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism, My team goes to DC every year for a conference and I always tell them something like, The conference schedule is packed and unfortunately were not going to have any time for sightseeing or tourism. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. An ex of mine and I were trying to be friends; he told me about a date he went on and I gave him my opinion (that he treated this woman like crap) and he was basically all, Nuh-unh! Oh, god, me too! We walk through various casinos and gawk. What happens in counseling is that the controlling spouse learns new language to gaslight and manipulate their partner with, and things get worse instead of better. Not that it makes it ok, at all. If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. Yeah, this seems so over the top Im having trouble thinking its just about relationship issues. I know that many conferences are held there, and wouldnt bat an eye at my fiancee going there without me. Not everything is anxiety and depression, AAM commentariat. Also she is sole provider for family? When I was there, I went to museums, saw a few shows, visited a shopping centerall during the day (except the shows) and safe. You dont deserve to be treated that way. For example, my wife likes to go for walks, and sometimes takes a scenic route while enjoying herself outside (She loves hiking and exploring in nature). as an excuse for his angst. I know Im a good driver, and that I can handle this, but every time you have these little worry fits you make me doubt myself. And I do like some gambling. This absolutely doesnt make the response of OPs husband right in any sense, but figuring out why they are feeling like this can be helpful and can help figure out where to go from there. Funnily enough, I never cheated, never had my drink spiked or got kidnapped during these excisions to sin city. :D. Naked Business Orgy in Vegas is what Im naming my metal-covers-of-show-tunes band. He easily sleeps 4 hours. I have friend who grossly exaggerates the number of people who support his stance, nevermind the the biasing in surveying. But in her mind, as another comment perfectly said, as soon as the sun sets, everyone is a drunk driving, human trafficking, drug kingpin. My husband has some mental health issues (and some life experiences) that make him prone to excessive worry when I travel for work, and in my last job, I traveled A LOT. We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? Ive been to far more dangerous places. OP, I have a few questions: do you travel overnight to other places for your work? (As a sidenote: my mom has been able to do with with my dad a few times when her travel schedule gets crazy. I was going to say this, the touristy areas and especially the casinos are crawling with security and cameras. It probably wont improve the relationship to say this directly to him, but it is definitely something to keep in mind. Vegas isnt the problem here. So were you on the east or west side of the Hellmouth? Ive encouraged him to take trips on his own without me, especially when Im on travel. Both individuals will benefit from communication tools to use in challenging this kind of worry-filled thinking. Sorry not sorry. Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know. But other things may be reasonable eg nightly call ins and letting husband know that she is not going to call or answer his calls during the day. Note: After I wrote this answer, I received more details about the letter-writer about exactly what her husbands objections are. Street photography! Yeah, it might not be the safest if youre wandering around at night by yourself (just like anywhere, really), but aside from being irritated by the smoke in the casino areas, I had no issues whatsoever. Either way, hes being unreasonable and interfering with your career, andcounseling to figure out whats at the root of that is stilla good step here. You go on trips, no one lets you go. Dont get hit by a car!! This is none of his business and catering to his insecurities is not your responsibility. I dont think you necessarily need to fear him, but as other commenters have said, there are parts of this that seem dangerous and disturbing from our perspective. Well there it is. Life is short. Feel free to point out where I did that. Good luck and please update us! Even emphasizing the point, like even they said theyd let their spouses go to Las Vegas. Well, it depends. Also made me think about the impact TV can have on our beliefs about the world. We split it into 3 traveling days both directions so it would be 6 hours and we are estimating 8 hour days, but know it could be longer. Most of them. When I moved to a big city to go to grad school, I got ALL KINDS of concern, especially when I started working swing shift and got home at midnight! That is the hallmark of a controlling person. It might even be a wonderful idea, under the right circumstances. I have one. Hey, if they didnt want me to take 2 Jacuzzi baths a day they shouldnt have put a TV in there! Its also an irrational state of fear and I think people forget what that means. Food! What to Expect supports Group Black and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. This is very aptly put Anonymous Poster. If you bring consoling up, will he go? But if not, why would you stay with this. Yeah and Ill add that it makes the advice people are giving much less likely to be effective/heard/followed by the OP if people are attacking a man she presumably loves and finds reasonable outside of this situation. AP, this is just a wonderful post. I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. About 3 months in (together 3 years now), I went for a very long walk, in a not-well-lit, bad sidewalks area, as I was used to doing. DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). The thing is he takes work trips more often than I do! In Amish country. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. Is that an issue as well? It was BAD. Hed get support from his friends and family. I belong to a profession that has an annual convention in Las Vegas. I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) But refusing to participate in the arguments and the anxiety spirals by hanging up and walking out saved my relationship with both my parents in the long-term. He asks that I check in with him once or twice a day for hi-and-I-love-you. In that case, marriage counseling is great. We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. If your husband doesnt trust you to handle three days sitting in conference rooms in Las Vegas with your coworkers, thats a fundamental relationship problem. Just my two cents. Unless youre her son. Its not legal in Las Vegas, although theres probably a lot of escort services, youre probably thinking of Reno, where they have legal brothels that have to follow a ton of regulations. within arms range. The whole city is like a giant theme park for adults. And my husband was completely fine with it. source: awkward . And, this IS an us issue: his insecurities are damaging the relationship. My husband still asks sometimes if hes allowed to go do things, like go to the pub with his friends without me, and it irks me because even though I know hes joking I dont like that he even pretends that I am a stereotypical ball and chain. I deal with those worries by making sure he has the tools he needs to accommodate those shortcomings, not by hobbling his life. He wouldnt try and prevent me from going on one of those trips because it is work, but he used to fret quite a bit and if I didnt text when he expected (or didnt have phone service) he would panic (as in call highway patrol level panic).
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